In a world as demanding as ours, being a single mother while pursuing one’s dreams is one of the most challenging pursuits to balance. Finding one’s footing between desiring the best for your children while also creating a life for yourself can go either direction. Left or right. 

 

Mother of three Abigail Munyai has seen the best of both worlds. A horrible motherhood tale, coupled by her own life challenges that broke her in many ways but culminated into beautiful life lessons in the end. 

 

Munyai fell pregnant at the tender age of 20-years-old, and that subsequently led to societal rejection (especially because she is a Pastor’s Kid),  making wrong choices, being orphaned while pregnant and isolated by society. A grueling journey that carried with it valuable lessons that she documents in a book series dubbed ‘From the View of a Preacher’s Kid’

 

“I went through so many challenges in my life that unfortunately led me to not loving myself. And through that, I have learnt that the key lies exactly there – loving oneself so you are able to love your children. You can’t give what you don’t have,” she said. 

 

“The truth is that when you are young and parents try to reprimand you, you see them as enemies because they are going against what they want at that time. And when my mother passed away when I was 9 months pregnant, moments away from giving birth, I was left to figure out what motherhood meant.

 

 

 

“So now I am a homeless orphan, just given birth, just buried my mother and many other challenges that faced me. Here I am supposed to be excited about this new life I have ushered into the world. I am mourning for my mother and have no idea what my future looked like,” carrying the trauma of what life had dealt her. 

 

With no family support, except for her brother, she got married to her first baby daddy in hopes of finding solace but that soon came to an end in just a year. It was during those life’s challenges that led to Munyai miss out on a lot of pregnancy gems or even loving her first child adequately. 

 

“I never got to fully experience what motherhood was all about. I spent those years trying to figure out my own life and make sense of it. I met my second partner immediately after, and got pregnant with our son after a year of struggling with infertility.”

 

“That situation, again, presented a very difficult period of pregnancy. I had to move away and basically go through everything alone. I was in and out of hospital, I had excessive bleeding from time to time, and again I didn’t enjoy that pregnancy,” added the 31-year-old.

 

 

 

 

Their second pregnancy, her third baby, saw her second husband being slightly more supportive than the first time but was unfortunately presented with physical and mental. 

 

But again, that marriage ended, leaving Munyai to now reconfigure what she wanted her life to look like and the type of mother she wants to be for her children. 

 

“I had to find myself again. Outside of a partner, outside of societal standards – who is Abigail? At that point, I didn’t even know who I was because all my life, I have always shielded myself behind a partner. But knowing who I was freed me in many ways. 

 

“And that is what I strongly advocate for, now. The power and importance of reconciling back to yourself because it is within that space that one is able to love themselves truthfully and in turn love their offspring.

 

“I have learnt that motherhood starts within you. And through that, you can start loving your children and still allow another individual in when the time to date comes.”

 

And to pursue a fulfilling life for herself, she has had to compartmentalize her life and figure out who she is with these many roles that she plays.

 

“I gave myself labels. Abigail the person and if anyone dates me, they must get to know me. This also meant that as a business woman and career woman, I had to know exactly who that person is and what she wanted for her own life. I had to figure out who Abigail the mother is and what that looked like.

“What my journey has taught me is that we can’t run away from is life. It happens to the best of us and will continue happening. Having  strong grounding and a strong sense of self is the beginning of winning in this beautiful journey of parenting. Because it is beautiful. I love being a mother and thank God daily for such a blessing. To bring the best out of your children, you need to bring the best out of you,” she said.