When singer/songwriter Lungi Naidoo became a mother at just 17 years old, she found herself overwhelmed and broken, unable to provide the love her daughter deserved while in constant survival mode. Her initial foray into motherhood was tumultuous, with her focus primarily on ensuring they had food to eat, often sacrificing complete mothering.

 

Now, with twins in tow, Lungi is determined to approach motherhood differently. Reflecting on her past mistakes, she acknowledges the shortcomings in her parenting journey.

 

“As you grow, you reflect, and I have come to realize the mistakes I made while raising my daughter,” Lungi admits. This realization prompted a crucial conversation with her daughter about her regrets and hopes for a better parenting experience with her twins. “That conversation was necessary,” Lungi reflects. “It relieved me of guilt and opened the door to being a better parent now.”

 

At age 43, the creative soul gets a chance at a fresh start, which she attributes to God’s grace, particularly as she had longed for more children but had remained single for an extended period.

 

“I even joked with a friend about donating sperm when the time came because my chances seemed slim,” she reminisced with a laugh.

 

“In my early 30s, I remember consulting a gynecologist, who advised me to work towards having a child if I wanted one. But at that time, I was still navigating single life, which was frustrating,” she recalled.

 

“However, once I married my husband, who didn’t have children of his own, we shared dreams of leaving behind a legacy, children to carry our names, and the beauty of having someone to reminisce about us,” she explained. “So, we were determined to have children.”

 

But the decision to conceive was catalysed during a routine visit to the gynaecologist for an unrelated issue, where they were warned about potential complications due to fibroids in her womb, prompting urgency. “Suddenly, at 40, it dawned on us that time was slipping away,” she recalled.

 

They attempted natural conception until her 41st birthday but realized they needed assistance. That marked the beginning of the most difficult journey, which started with consultations, then a myomectomy to remove one fibroid which was inside the uterus, and then followed by a series of injections over the next two and a half years.

“First it was the intrauterine insemination (IUI), where we were still hoping for natural conception, but that sadly didn’t yield any results.

 

“Now the thought of IVF and the myths that surrounded it about how ungodly it was, ‘what will people would say’, and that ‘an IVF child is not a real baby’ haunted me. I went through so much depression around this issue, but I also really wanted a baby. And so did my husband.”

 

She took it upon herself to delve into the realm of IVF, immersing herself in the stories of other mothers who had embarked on similar journeys, equipping herself with knowledge that bolstered her resolve to begin.

 

Yet, as she confronted the mental hurdles, she soon encountered the stark reality of the taxing road ahead.

 

“We managed to retrieve 12 healthy eggs, which was a good thing because of the healthy lifestyle I maintained,” she revealed, finding encouragement in this. “They paired these with sperm, and we had 12 viable embryos ready for the next step. Little did we anticipate the shock that awaited us,” she chuckled.

The process proved grueling.

“I conceived each time we attempted IVF, only to experience what’s termed a biochemical pregnancy,” she disclosed. This first miscarriage hit her deeply, leading her to rationalize, “it’s not a real baby,” but her doctor emphasized the significance of mourning the loss. “The egg is indeed a potential life,” she came to understand.

 

After a year’s respite, they tried again, only to face the same heartbreak. And so it went with the third egg.

 

At this point, she was emotionally and physically exhausted. “The emotional rollercoaster of ‘oh my God, we’re pregnant’ to ‘the levels are dropping, the baby is dying’ took its toll on me,” she admitted.

 

She took a break for nearly seven months, unable to bear the trauma any longer.

 

“I just didn’t want to go through it again, and besides, the process wasn’t cheap, even though my husband was incredibly supportive. I prayed, cried to God, and talked with my mother and husband.

 

“One Sunday at church, during my husband’s first visit, the pastor’s wife shared a message from God: ‘Someone here has lost so much. No matter what you have lost, God will restore it double-fold. Don’t give up. If it’s a baby, don’t give up.’ It felt like she was speaking directly to me, and I wept. They invited those who believed it was their word to the front for prayer, and I went. I kept praying, ‘If You are the God I serve and this is my word, I will make the appointment when I leave here. Please keep your word.’ I’ve always wanted a boy and had named him years ago, so I asked God for Isaiah,” she said.

 

The appointment was made, two eggs were inseminated, and the pregnancy test came back positive as usual. Then it turned into a waiting game. After three months, with hormone levels still high and a confirmed heartbeat, she knew she was pregnant. The second heartbeat was detected later.

 

The entire pregnancy period was not an easy one. Her fibroid caused her to bleed a lot; she couldn’t walk, couldn’t eat for the entire eight months, and spent most of the last two months in the hospital. Her babies were born almost two months shy of the full term.

 

“The fibroids caused me a lot of discomfort, especially the one that got bigger because it was feeding off the blood flow to the children. Another was sitting right below my rib making it difficult to breathe. I had to be induced because it was getting more and more dangerous.”

Now, five months into mothering her twins, Lungi describes the experience as magical.

 

“I still wake up in the middle of the night to pray over their cribs because sometimes the fear of losing them creeps in. I know I have to fight it, but the trauma still lingers. Overall, I feel like I’ve been given a do-over to immerse myself in motherhood. Watching my husband father his children has been a blessing.

 

“I had my first child, but this time it feels different. Being in a secure home and knowing I have a partner who wakes up with me for every feed is incredible.

 

“I feel like I am in a season of receiving, something I haven’t experienced in 40 years. My eldest daughter and I struggled so much that we didn’t know what it was like to expect love and security. Now, everything feels like a second chance for me,” she reflected.

 

Her husband, she shares, opened up about how horrific it was for him to watch her endure all the pain, and is only now dealing with those emotions.

 

“Seeing him rise to this responsibility has been the most fulfilling thing ever. I didn’t realize how affected he was by everything I was going through because we tend to focus on the one directly experiencing it. But he shared the pain with me. That’s why having our children here with us, and myself, makes the entire journey worth it.”

 

Lungi advises women to get regular check-ups, do their research, and always be aware of their bodies and the changes that come with it.

 

“Moreover, know that God can do it for anyone. I am living proof. Believe it can happen for you too,” she said.