“Becoming a father has been the most profound journey of my life, especially as someone raised by a resilient and loving single mother. Fatherhood has not only grown me but also given my life meaning.”

These are the words of Sibongile & the Dlaminis’ actor Vuyo Biyela, a father of two who prioritizes his role as a parent above all else. Growing up without a solid male or father figure to guide him, the 29-year-old thespian had to discover what it means to be a dad on his own.

 

 

This journey started at the tender age of 20, when he welcomed his son, marking the beginning of a rollercoaster journey filled with rookie mistakes, tremendous joy, and a heavy sense of responsibility. Most of all, it marked a huge turning point in his life.

 

“I was an only child at home, so everything that I did, I did not think of the future. I was pretty much a wild teen,” he said, chuckling. “So, as a kid, I saw myself morphing into such a responsible person, unselfish and changing my ways. I had to think of my future a little more,” he said.

 

His daughter came just a year later, at the age of 22 years old.

 

“Having a boy as a firstborn, I was lost. I didn’t know how to treat him because I didn’t have experience with what a father-son bond was. I’ll admit that I was initially tough on him, fearing he’d turn out like me—rowdy and reckless. But by observing some of my older male friends and male figures I admire, I learned how to create that necessary balance.

 

Though fatherhood has become a significant and cherished part of his life, it was never something he envisioned. Yet, it brought an unexpected fulfillment he never knew he needed.

 

“I take pride in being a father, prioritizing it over everything else. I recently had both my children come live with me because being present is crucial to me.”

 

Recalling not being raised by his own father, who passed away when he was very young, he remembers feeling lost and filled with unexplainable anger.

 

“It’s like you’re always looking for validation from the outside world, and everything you do feels insufficient because of that sense of being lost. It’s a deep longing to belong. “And that is what I never want my children to experience. Mothers do an amazing job, but fathers also need to fulfill their part,” he said.

 

That’s where being present comes in, whether it means taking his children to school, making time for their hobbies, or just wanting them to know that he is forever present in their lives.

“Based on my experience, I strongly believe that children cherish ‘presence’ more because, 10 or 20 years from now, your child will not remember those expensive things that you bought him but will remember the moments you shared together,” he said.

 

Fatherhood, therefore, to him, means working through his emotions, losing sleep, recognizing that your kids need you more than anything, caring for them emotionally, spiritually, and physically, and also setting your eyes on the finish line for your children and family.

“You literally throw everything aside for the benefit of your children. It is not just having children but also fathering them. But it is so fulfilling. I really enjoy the pride I see in them showing me their achievements or just wanting to share their experiences with me. We both need each other in different ways, and it is an unexplainable feeling,” he said.

 

With no parenting style in place and dubbing his ways as parenting in the moment, Vuyo does believe in discipline. Not abuse, but discipline.

 

Balancing his young career and striving to be present has also proven to be a challenge.

 

“Everything is still a learning curve for us. But I am learning as I go, and I promised myself to never be too busy for my children. So for now, it is us getting a hang of the lunch making in the mornings, especially when I have very early morning call times. That would mean going with them to set; I’ll have to wake up super early to get things in order. And the homework? Oh my gosh,” he said, laughing. “I just need to always remember the homework because I forget.

 

“But these are moments where we are growing together, we are figuring life together, and we are just creating memories.”

 

All in all, Vuyo hopes to instill responsibility, humility, boldness, and confidence in his children. For them to know that they can be anything they want to be.

 

“In hindsight, I truly believe that God knew exactly what I needed to put a pause on my tracks. Every time I look at my children, I always feel like they are a gift to redirect my path because I could lose it all. So that I can learn responsibility, because I was very irresponsible and reckless to some degree,” he shares.