The former Mrs South Africa reflects on losing herself in motherhood, starting again and raising children who know that dreams are always worth pursuing

Palesa Matjekane has always been drawn to a life that means something. From a young age, she found herself searching for purpose, for ways to make a difference and for something bigger than simply going through the motions of life. At the heart of that journey is one word: service. It has taken on different meanings and shades over the years, growing and evolving with her. And perhaps nowhere is that more beautifully expressed than in what motherhood means to her.

“I’ve always wanted to be a mother,” she says emphatically, breaking into a giggle. It is a desire she traces back to the two women who shaped so much of her world – her grandmother and her mother, the two central figures in her life who raised her as an only child.

 

“And because of the latter, I’ve always dreamt of having 7 children of my own,” she says, laughing again at the thought.

 

God blessed her with two – Alexander Kgosi and Gabrielle Kelebogile Matjekane. She describes parenting her 15-year-old son as a lesson of letting your children be themselves without trying to control everything they do, while parenting her 11-year-old daughter as seeing raising through her daughter.  

But the way she was raised confirmed for her that family can take on different forms, as long as you have people who love you. That, too, can become family.

 

“I was primarily raised by my grandmother and grandfather. My mother had me when she was really young, 16 or 17 years old, and my grandmother made the executive decision that my mother will continue with school while she takes over. My mother went on to study law, while I had the best childhood experience because of how present and involved my grandparents were,” she shares.

 

“When I found out I was having my son, I was so happy and I knew deep down that I wanted a boy because I am such a tomboy at heart,” says the former Mrs South Africa. Four years later, the model and entrepreneur had her daughter with her ex-husband, an experience that, while deeply fulfilling, also saw her lose touch with herself.

 

“I did not have time to myself and would rather dedicate all my time and energy to the children. In a way, I lost myself. And that, unfortunately, led me to crash one day. When I realised that I had parked my dreams and my life to the side, all for these two blessings that I do not take for granted,” she opens up.

 

It wasn’t parenting them that was difficult – that came naturally to her. Palesa had always found herself taking on a motherly role, whether with one cousin or another. The struggle was learning how to show up for herself while continuing to show up for her children. She felt compelled to give, even when there was little left to give.

A classic example of the age-old reminder that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

 

But with that crash came a revival – a journey of finding herself again.

 

“Unfortunately that journey back to myself led me to shed so much off, including my marriage because I think that person didn’t understand who this new person was. My grandfather passed away and that sort-of shook me back into reality. I remember asking God what my purpose was,” she shares.

 

“That meant having to reintroduce myself to myself, still maintaining being an active mom while also prioritising myself. Four years ago, I sat my children down to firstly make them understand what divorce meant – taking them to therapy and supporting them in all aspects. But I also had to make them understand what an empty cup is and why it was important for me to refill myself.”

 

Spirituality played a huge role in helping her find her purpose again. Thereafter, she re-entered Mrs South Africa for the second time and won, ultimately reigniting the spark and excitement of doing things for Palesa. Business also came to the fore.

 

“Business is so fulfilling. This new side of life has been all worth it,” she says, adding that this is a version of being a mother that she is proud of, knowing her children will learn from it.

 

“I am such a better mother. I involve my children in my business ventures and that has sparked different interests in them too – to pursue their passions,” she shares. “I want them to learn from me the importance of pouring into oneself. That restarts are permitted. Humble children who know that I am always there for them. I want to raise dreamers.”

 

Palesa is a dreamer herself, owning clothing line Maison Lisa, remaining passionate about pageantry while also thriving in the entrepreneurship space – all while being a full-time mother.

 

“Who said mothers can’t have it all?” she says with a laugh.

 

“My role as a mother is to nurture them, guide them and guide them to be confident in becoming who God made them to be. A big part of having my children saved me so many times. And desiring to be the best version of myself is comes from mothering them.”