The terms ‘single mom’ and ‘deadbeat fathers’ have permeated society, becoming ubiquitous in conversations about parenthood. Despite the prevalence of discussions on the topic, the growing social reality of single parenthood continues to escalate.

According to a Social Research Foundation (SRF) study done in 2022, 4 out of 10 children are raised in single-parent households.

However, even in the year 2024, shedding light on this issue remains imperative to advocate for policies and resources that support single parents and their families. Amanda Ndlangisa, a single mother of two, has emerged as an advocate by default, using her own experiences to educate and inspire others facing similar challenges.

 

Known as the millennial mom, she not only addresses the practical difficulties faced by single parents but also confronts the stereotypes and stigmas associated with this demographic. Through her platform, she fosters understanding and empathy within society, creating a supportive community where parents can heal together.

Click HERE to watch Amanda’s YouTube channel.

 

Reflecting on her journey, she shares, “When I started sharing my story on my YouTube channel, I was surprised to find so many other women who could relate to my experiences. Initially, I was simply seeking healing through sharing, but I inadvertently created a community of parents who find solace and strength in each other.”

 

Sixteen years later, with two children in tow, the young mom is still on a journey of healing.

 

“Oh my God, it’s a continuous journey, and I don’t think it will ever end. Because now and then I still get triggered. I speak a lot about deadbeats, but when you go outside and you see mothers and dads with healthy co-parenting situations, you can’t help but wonder, ‘Why couldn’t this happen for me?!’ I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a point of not caring, but for now, it hurts a lot to know that people can be fathers but are just choosing not to be present in my children’s lives,” she said.

 

The former journalist, who is now full-time in corporate, has fought with her baby daddies for maintenance and admits that while she hasn’t financially struggled with her children, she wanted to prove a point: “That you will not do this. (Leave without taking responsibility.)

 

“And that you can’t go around making babies and then pretend like nothing happened,” she said.

 

Ndlangisa, who has connected with numerous single parents through her own journey, shares that there isn’t a linear reason as to why the other party, or in her case, her own baby daddies, decide to abandon their own children. They just simply went up and left, leaving her with the weighty responsibility of picking up the shattered fragments and tenderly tending to the wounds that mark the lives of her precious daughters. And although the youngest is still oblivious to the fact, she has had to have heavy conversations with her 16-year-old.

 

“For the longest time, I used to hide the truth from my eldest until she realized that I was hiding something from her. She has a great relationship with her paternal grandmother, so she went to her to ask for his number. He then told her straight that he didn’t want a relationship with her, and that’s when she came to me to demand answers.

 

“In our conversations, I’ve had to emphasize the fact that ‘I wanted you’ and actually show them this. Because they take all this so personally and start internalizing things, forgetting that there is another parent who wants them. So it’s a very difficult conversation to have because you will find yourself being the one who is punished. Punished for staying, and you end up thinking, ‘kanti, what did I do?’,”

 

In her latest vlog entry, the mommy emotionally expressed how she has had to uproot her entire life to move back home in Durban after facing teenager difficulties with her eldest. Financially, this decision made sense, although it meant leaving everything she knew for the betterment of her small family.

 

The journey of single parenting hasn’t been a kind one to Amanda, as many women might resonate, but championing the rights of children and other single parents remains at the core of her mandate. Regardless of the weight,.

 

“I remember having a conversation with my first baby daddy; I think years later, when we started talking again, I asked him why he did what he did. He said that in his culture, whoever you impregnate, you have to marry them, and he wasn’t ready to marry me.

“But I just think they perceive staying for their child as staying for you, the mother—bbut it is running away from responsibilities, really. There hasn’t been a reason I have heard where I’d say, ‘Yeah, I understand why you wouldn’t fight for your child’,” she said.

And for speaking out and telling her story, Amanda shares that she has been labeled as the bitter ex.

“Both my exes have other children, and they are very present in the other children’s lives. So I have carried the bitter-baby-mama title with me, being told that I should have chosen better.

“I know who I am and what I am doing, but in saying that, I will admit that I am indeed bitter. How do you expect me to raise two children alone—children that I did not bring alone into this world?! I don’t carry the bitter-baby-mama title as an honor, but I want my children to know that I fought for them. Because I know that silence only benefits men, and they bank on our silence.

And although having her own children was never part of the plan while growing up, Amanda describes motherhood as the greatest sacrifice known to men.

“It is very fulfilling. I think about how I feel about my mom, and that is enough to bring tears to my eyes. Knowing that there are two human beings out there who feel that way about me, who almost see me as a god and put their lives in my hands, is an amazing responsibility. When you see your children become exactly what you envisioned, that is so fulfilling,” she said.