By Ntombenhle Khathwane

When I was little, Christmas in our home was about Jesus, His birth, His greatness, the miracle of a Child who changed the world. I loved the songs, the church services, the sparkle. But there was a quiet piece missing: no one told me that because He is special, I am special too, not only because He died for me, but because we come from the same Source of love. As a mom, I want to give my children that missing piece. I want Christmas to be a mirror, a way for them to look at Jesus and see their own God-given worth reflected back.

Small children are naturally self-referenced; their world makes sense when they can place themselves in the picture. If we frame Christmas only as a distant holy event, they may admire it but not inhabit it. If we frame it as a love story that includes them, their hopes, their questions, their gifts, they can carry Christmas in their bodies long after the wrapping paper is gone.

 

The heart of the reframing

 

Two short verses can hold up the mirror for a child:

 

“God created humankind in His image.” (Genesis 1:27)

“See what great love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God.” (1 John 3:1)

 

Christmas says: God draws close. And when God draws close in Jesus, He is saying to every child: You are made like Me. You belong to Me. You are loved as you are. The angel’s words seal it: “Good news of great joy for all people.” (Luke 2:10–11) That includes your child, on their best day and their messy day.

 

Why this matters for a child’s inner world

 

Children build their identity from repeated messages. Consumer Christmas says, You are what you get. Fear-based religion can sound like, You are what you do right. But the Gospel at Christmas says, You are loved first. That foundation nourishes a child’s nervous system with safety: I’m okay. I belong. I’m not alone. Children who feel safe inside are freer to be kind, brave, generous, and to try again when they miss the mark.

 

Make Christmas “about them” (in the healthiest way)

 

We’re not replacing Jesus with the child; we’re connecting Jesus to the child. Here are simple, low-cost ideas you can use this week.

 

1) The Manger Mirror (ages 3–10)

 

Place a small mirror in a shoebox “manger” lined with a cloth. Read the nativity. Then invite your child to look inside.

Parent script: “Jesus shows us what God is like, and what we are like: loved, chosen, light-carriers. When I see you, I see God’s image.”

 

2) Stars of Strengths Tree

Cut paper stars. On each, write one true thing you see in your child (curious, helpful, brave with new friends, gentle with little cousins). Let them add their own star.

 

Parent script: “These are your gifts to the world. Jesus came as a gift, and you are a gift too.”

 

3) The Bethlehem Box (Presence over presents)

Put three slips in a small box: Time, Touch, Words. Each day, pull one and practice it, board game + hot chocolate (Time), cuddle + movie (Touch), “three things I love about you” (Words).

 

Parent script: “Christmas is God giving Himself. We give ourselves to one another too.”

 

4) Candle of “Withness”

Light a candle after dinner. Switch off the lights for one minute of quiet.

 

Parent script: “Jesus is called Immanuel, God with us. When life feels dark, love is still with us. What was your brightest moment today? Your hardest moment?”

 

5) Giving That Builds Worth

Let your child choose a small kindness: bake for a neighbour, donate a toy they’re ready to pass on, carry water for gogo, call a cousin who feels left out.

 

Parent script: “Because we are loved, we get to share love. Your voice and hands make a difference.”

 

Answering big (and small) questions

 

Kids under ten ask wonderfully concrete questions. Keep your answers short, warm, and identity-building.

“Why was Jesus a baby?”

“So we’d know God understands everything, even being little. Nothing about you is too small for God.”

“Am I special like Jesus?”

“Yes. Jesus is God’s Son, and you are God’s beloved child too. Same family. Same love.”

“What if I’m naughty at Christmas?”

“We’ll fix what went wrong, but being loved doesn’t stop. God’s love came because we need help.”

 

South African textures that make it real

Let the story live where your child lives. Sing in isiZulu, Sesotho, Setswana, Afrikaans, whatever is yours. Pray in the car on the way to family lunch. Tell how gogo showed “Immanuel” by never letting anyone eat alone. Let the braai smoke and township lights become part of their Bethlehem. The more local it feels, the more a child can carry it.

 

A five-step Christmas morning ritual (10 minutes)

 

Open with light: one candle; a child lights it. “Jesus is our light.”

Two verses, two voices: older child reads Genesis 1:27; you read 1 John 3:1.

Name and bless: each person names one gift they see in someone else.

Gratitude round: “One blessing from this year,” “One person I want to bless today.”

Hug and go: “You are God’s beloved. Nothing can change that, not today, not ever.”

 

What to downplay (so worth shines through)

 

Perfection: Christmas lunch can burn a bit. The story still holds.

Comparison: “Their tree/home/hamper is bigger.” Return to the Bethlehem Box: Time, Touch, Words.

 

Threats: No “Be good or no gifts.” Use natural consequences when needed, but keep the worth message free of bargains.

 

When grief or separation is part of your story

 

Many families ache at Christmas, loss, divorce, distance. You can still hold worth. Light a second candle for the one you miss. Make a “memories page” with photos and one sentence of thanks. Tell your child, “Love doesn’t end; it changes shape. God is with us in the missing.”

 

If your child asks the big “why me?” questions

“Was Jesus born for me?”

“Yes. For all of us, and also for you. That’s what ‘good news for all people’ means.”

“How do I know I’m loved by God?”

“Because God says so, and we keep reminding each other. Let’s put your verse by your bed.”

Write their verse on a sticky note:

“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)

or

“We are God’s workmanship.” (Ephesians 2:10)

 

The takeaway for parents

We aren’t trying to inflate ego; we’re trying to anchor identity. A child who hears “You are loved first” becomes more generous, not less. They can apologise without shame, try without fear, and notice the lonely kid at the party. Christmas framed this way trains character from the inside out.

 

Because He came close, your child can live close to God and close to their own truest self. Because He is special, your child sees they are made of the same love. That’s a Christmas gift no battery can power and no January can take away.