The birth of a baby is a huge occurrence that has the potential to alter one’s everyday life. Some people’s sleeping schedules are affected, as are their friendships. Even relationships. But the biggest, and probably the greatest of outcomes, is changing you. Whether for the good or the bad. 

But for first-time parents, 36-year-old Lebo Lukewarm and his wife, 33-year-old Kelsey-Marie, the plan is to integrate their son into their lives. Their lives are filled with a lot of traveling, among other things, as their jobs require them to be on the road most of the time.

This means putting their lives on par with raising their son and not “changing or dimming our lights after having a child,” as they believe that this will ensure fulfilled lives that can translate into their child’s life. Happy parents, happy children, right?

The couple, who come from oceans apart, found through conversations that their parenting expectations aren’t that different from each other. Lebo hails from Mzansi, while Kelsey is from America but was raised as a Trinidadian.

“The West Indian Caribbean culture is so similar to South African and African cultures in general – making it pretty easy for us to find common ground,” shares Kelsey.

But even with this commonality, it doesn’t take away from the uneasiness of the unknown of what this new journey will bring. An uneasiness that even an abundance of research can never really silence.

“For one, it is making sure that the baby stays alive,” she said, giggling. “Like, I’m just scared because I know they’re very small when they’re new-born. They’re going to be so tiny and fragile, and I just want to do a good job of making sure that they grow, are happy, and just live a nice life. I want him to be a happy baby.”

The couple met over a work trip in South Africa in 2017, and after Lebo – the photographer – slid into Kelsey’s DMs and after solidifying their relationship – the Mrs packed up her life to South Africa. The couple got hitched in March 2022. And having a baby, almost two years later, was a natural next step for the couple.

“I think for the most part we were really just getting used to the idea of us being married, you know, because we didn’t have a big wedding or a wedding of any sort. We just went to the courts and signed, and after that, we went to have breakfast. And it might sound pretty mundane, but it’s so fitting for who we are as individuals. It felt like a celebration and a win that we needed to celebrate ourselves. We fell into a phase of just enjoying each other as husband and wife.

“It was super exciting, and I don’t think we were thinking about kids at that time. We were just being us. Then we went to Costa Rica, and I remember internally thinking, ‘This (us) would be so nice if we extended it (into a bigger family)’. And it was when we came back that we actively started trying for a baby,” explained Lebo.

In just two months, the couple had conceived.

While Kelsey was completely convinced that she was carrying a baby girl, their gender reveal in December of last year (six months into their pregnancy journey) revealed different news. Kelsey’s entire face showed either disappointment or confusion while Lebo did a young leap for joy.

Kelsey explains: “Because of the Old Wives Tale, I read so many articles and all of my symptoms pointed to a girl. So I had my heart set on a girl, and then when the reveal happened, I was just flooded with a lot of emotions. At first, I could have sworn I saw pink, and then it kicked in that it was blue,” she said with giggles in between.

“Prior to that, I was like, ‘I don’t even know what I would do with a boy’, but afterwards I really sat down with it to process, and I am now super excited. And I heard from other moms about how much being a boy mom is so great and how boys really love their mom. So I’m looking forward to all of the cuddles and kisses from my son.

“Above it all, I am just grateful to have a healthy baby growing inside me. This is such a magical experience.”

Even with that young leap, Lebo did not mind what gender their baby was. 

“I’ve always said that God gives you what you’re ready for, and when I really think about it, I don’t think I would have been ready for a girl. Purely based on the fact that I’m one of three kids, two of whom are sisters. And my dad would always say, ‘You have to be more patient with girls’. I needed to have a son first. So that he can test me, because boys do tests – I know I tested my parents. I think my son will soften me so when the girl does come, I’ll be ready for her.”

 

“We want to bring up a son who is always curious – who knows that the world is his oyster and that he can try out everything. A son who is well-travelled and is open-minded to other cultures, people, religions, etc. A person who is kind – which is super important – and creative,” said Kelsey with Lebo adding that with all the bullying in the world especially on social media – the world does not need more bullies…

“I think it’s also very important to speak loud into your child’s heart and also to teach them the art of caring. And as much as I sometimes jokingly say that she’ll take care of the reading and academic side of things while I take care of the physical – the body exertion side of things, I think we both understand that we need a well versed child who’s going to enter this world and become their own individual,” added Lebo. 

Fun Facts about the couple

1. After moving to South Africa in 2018, living here full-time, Kelsely boarded a flight to New York in 2020 for the first time for a visit but unfortunately got stuck there due to the pandemic. “I was only supposed to be gone for two weeks but borders were closed for much longer so no one could travel to South Africa and vice versa. June came and I was still in America, so I decided that I just had to start over in America. I didn’t even have an American phone number at that time. So I just had to start over from scratch. But during the pandemic we spoke every day as if we weren’t separated by continents. And I believe that actually made us stronger, because we were back to being long distance and had to navigate the time zones and each other’s schedules. 
2. What made Lebo pop the question?  “So as soon as the world opened up again, I came to the US. And I was here for the longest I’ve ever been here, which is like six months? In that time, when I was here, there’s a lot of things that I think crystallized about where I want my life to go. So I always had this notion that marriage is not a ‘you wake up one day and oh, I’m gonna get married today’. It’s a decision that you have to take more so for men. You have to be willing to accept that you’re stepping into a new part of your life. I got to that point where I said, ‘I am accepting the next transition of life’. And I am blessed to have found this person that is making it easy for me to transition because it is a transition. It’s something that happens naturally, but also you have to be okay with what’s happening around you.  I was blessed to have a partner that made it feel as though I wasn’t losing anything from my previous life. 
   
3. Kelsey says she is definitely not prepared for the coming of their son, who is due in April but Lebo says he has confidence in his wife because of the extensive amount of research that she does daily and educates him daily. 
   
4. Being present is the most important piece to being great parents for them. “I was fortunate to have grown up in a household where both my parents were present. Although my dad was constantly working, he took us to school every day. Even when coming back home, he would make time, even if it was 30 minutes – he was always there. My mom was super active, and became even more active when I was 13 when she stopped working and just stayed at home to focus on us. She was at every soccer game and made sure I had the best lunch. With that background, it’s really important to just be present and understand my child. That we created this with human-being with two different personalities from us. And although it might be the best from us or the worst, we just have to understand that we’re shaping this individual.”