The journey to motherhood for Nompumelelo Mokou-Hassin has been a rollercoaster to say the least. Trying to conceive just after 3 years of marrying the love of her life and ultimately giving up on that dream, was an excruciating period of her existence. A dream crushed even before it had begun.

And just when she thought the ride was over (the rollercoaster), she conceived and gave birth to her bouncy now 1-year-old baby girl who she refers to as: “our beautiful miracle and treasure.”

“Believe in miracles even when you have no faith nor hope,” she shares. 

This is HER story. 

Nompumelelo has been dating her lovely husband for 10 years prior to pledging their undying love to each other in a form of marriage. Having a baby was naturally their next best step in their walk of love. 

“[Three years in], We realised we were unable to conceive. That is when we decided to consult with two doctors but never went through proposed methodologies. The burden of not conceiving especially over 10 years was emotionally taxing. There was also a realisation that we truly do not have everything under control, life comes from God. Man plans but God makes it happen,” she said. 

After the daunting years of carrying the indescribable burden of not attaining what she had desired, in August of 2020 Nompumelelo penned a heartbreaking post on Facebook where she was ultimately letting go of this unshakeable longing of being a mother. 

 

 

“I was tired of the pain, month on month yearning to see a positive pregnancy test, feeling helpless and unworthy. I was tired of crying over something I could not control and most people make it seem easy. I wanted to release the burden, let go of the heaviness of hope and the load of a dream of being a mother. 

“When lockdown began, I had hoped to conceive because I would be working from home, spend more time with my husband and somewhat less stress. But it became apparent that despite the circumstances being ideal, conception was illusive. Penning down my feelings and letting go gave me relief. I made space in my heart and life for something else and something new,” she said. 

But truly speaking, the desire doesn’t really fade. Exactly two years after the heartwrenching facebook piece, the Mokou-Hassin’s welcomed their baby girl Letlotlo.

“When I gave birth to her, she was crying and was immediately laid on my chest (womb residue and all). As soon as she heard my voice, she calmed down. From that point onwards, I have spent copious hours looking into her eyes, smiling at her, cuddling her, watching her grow and capturing all her milestones.

“The most rewarding thing about motherhood/ parenthood is love. Our baby loves without bounds or limits. When my maternity leave ended and I had to return to work, I woke up one morning at 2am and gave her reasons why I would be away from her. I recount telling her that I am working so she has a female role model to emulate. I told her, I was working for the betterment of her future. She has to have her way paved by strong independent successful women. I told her I would be courageous.” 

And how she did it, after 10 years of trying to conceive is explained in two theories that she has. 

“In mid 2021, I visited a women’s wellness doctor for weight issues and fatigue. She checked my bloods then treated my iron deficiency and re-balanced my hormones . My 2nd theory is that on the weekend we conceived, I was on a business women retreat where the group of ladies I was hosting prayed for me to conceive. They had faith that nothing is impossible with God. Then 5 weeks later, I found out I had conceived.” 

Sometimes the hindrance to conception could be as simple as a change of diet.

Since the arrival of Letlotlo, life has never been the same again. Nompumelelo describes motherhood as a privilege, a joy, a sacrifice and the best experience to love and be loved abundantly. And in hindsight, being a mother in her 40s has worked out way better for her because of the financial means she has amassed that enable her to take care of her daughter. All things working for her good. 

 

 

“There is no book that truly prepares you for the shock, the uncertainty, the fear, love and absolute surrender that parenthood brings. There should be more books written about the 4th trimester – it is a thing. After you hold your baby for the first time, you realise this beautiful soul relies wholly on you to survive. Your baby’s survival is dependent on you – this is a daunting realisation and the beginning of growth and maturity.

“I’ve also learnt that babies are resilient, they have primal survival instincts, and that breastfeeding is not as easy and stress-free as everyone makes it to be. I am learning that babies are not cheap,” she said with a giggle. 

And to someone else who is trying to conceive, as someone who has walked that journey, Nompumeleo says no amount of words can ever make that process easy so she has zero advice to share. 

“It is hard to hear someone tell you don’t give up, trust and blah blah – when you are burdened, depressed and have not conceived in years. No one understands the pain but the couple going through the challenge. Just because we were blessed with a miracle doesn’t mean we can advise anyone.  All a couple needs is love, support, understanding and prayer,” she adds. 

“We all have different journeys and this is mine.”