When Mommy Club’s Nozipho Ntshangase revealed that she has eight children, the other mommies on the show were visibly stunned. The shock on their faces was unmistakable, and the comments on social media expressed equal amazement. Eight children, huh?

 

But for the 39-year-old, having such a large blended family is so normal to her that she was the one left surprised by the reactions.

 

“So whenever I mention the number of my children, I do it casually because it’s normal to me. I’m always amazed at how shocked people are. They see my age and the petite size and think, ‘She’s crazy,'” she said, laughing.

 

But in the South African context, large blended families are a prevalent phenomenon, whether from previous marriages or relationships, coming together to form a new home. A blended home.

 

The Ntshangase household is made up of five boys and three girls: mommy, daddy, and the nannies, who are very much part of her family, she shares.

 

We caught up with the soft-spoken mommy minutes after putting her little one down right after a hurried doctor’s run. Her entire family had come down with the hectic flu that has been doing the rounds, which had her entire household down and out. Including herself.

Tracing back to her upbringing, Nozipho comes from a big family herself. She is one of five children, with her grandmother birthing 12 of her own. A big family is something she is accustomed to. And although she was never fixated on the idea of having her own big family, she was never opposed to it either.

 

“I love the structure of family generally, so when I met my husband, who already had his children and I had one of my own, it wasn’t a difficult conclusion that I would want us to actively raise all the children together. I took it upon myself that we would raise them under one roof, and we committed to sticking it out,” she said.

 

“At the beginning of our relationship, our children were pretty young which made it easier to navigate. My son Luthando was 3 years old, Mbhele was 1 year old, and Lizwelihle was just a few months old. So our family structure is all that they know.”

 

The secret to making any family structure work, including a blended one, is the commitment to it, she shares.

 

“If you want to blend, you must be sure. Because this is not just a decision that affects you but also affects children. This is also not a decision that you make to temporarily please your partner. It must be something that you want and have a goal and purpose for, not somebody else’s vision,” she said, adding that one needs to want it before anyone else.

 

With commitment comes blocking out external noises that are bound to cross one’s path. With talks such as ‘your non-biological children will leave you one day’ or ‘those aren’t your children’. Nozipho holds on to the love and the unbreakable bond that she has forged with her children.

 

Effective communication counts as the second most important key to successfully managing a blended family, Nozipho shares. This involves open, honest dialogue among all family members, fostering understanding and trust.

 

Communication can be done through regular family meetings, active listening, and clear expression of expectations and feelings that help address conflicts and build stronger bonds.

 

“This can be from simply communicating with the other parent about seeing the child, plans that we have in place, dates and even our feelings. It is also crucial to remember that the child is not the parent. The goal at the end of the day is to raise these children to be the best versions of themselves.”

 

Motherhood for Nozipho has taught her patience and that more than anything, being a mother is a purpose. “Whether it is biological or not. Adopted or not. Motherhood is a higher calling.

 

“You know, when they said family doesn’t have to be blood, they did not lie. I have seen it within my household: whoever you choose can be your family. It’s beautiful to be given this purpose and opportunity to firstly raise children, because parenting is so rewarding, and also to have such a big family. I have never referred to my children, who came with my husband, as my stepchildren, and when they talk about mom, they talk about me,” she said beaming.

 

Nozipho shares that the challenges of forging a blended family are there, just like there would be with any nuclear family. And this is where the commitment is tested.

 

“Like with any other child, as parents, we need to know that children will make mistakes and are not going to be good all the time. They will need all of you as their parent 100%, and you have to treat them the same as your own.

 

“The bond I have with my children runs so deep that it has seeped into my extended family. My children (husband’s children) are extremely close to my sisters.”