From Malawi to the world, poet and writer Upile Chisala opens up about becoming a mother, healing through love, and raising her daughter with intention, gentleness and joy.

For poet and writer Upile Chisala, motherhood isn’t just a role—it’s a profound, daily invitation to see the world anew, with softness, intention and wonder. At the heart of her life now is her daughter, whose smile mirrors her own and whose presence reshapes everything: from how she loves, how she writes, and how she sees herself.

Upile Chisala | Instagram

“Motherhood delights me!” she shares with glowing certainty. “With my daughter, I’m in the very center of joy, creativity, and imagination. Watching her discover language, numbers, letters—and being there to witness her naming things for the first time—brings me a kind of happiness I never imagined.”

Though Chisala didn’t always picture herself as a mother, it’s clear she’s found deep meaning in this new chapter. “When I imagined love, I had been imagining my daughter all along.”

Upile often reflects on her own upbringing—how her parents nurtured a deep curiosity about the world in her and her siblings. They travelled often, embraced art and music, and found joy in simplicity. It’s that same spirit she’s now passing on to her daughter. Whether it’s through music from her childhood, spontaneous trips near and far, or time spent in nature, she wants her little one to feel free, unafraid to explore, and deeply connected to the world around her. At the same time, she’s conscious of doing some things differently. While her parents raised five children, she is raising one—with a mindful focus on presence, energy, and intentional nurturing. “I want to always, always build her up,” she says.

Upile Chisala | Instagram

A quote from her social media reads, “My child deserves a mother who is a whole person.” This statement is deeply poignant because it speaks to the emotional truth of motherhood: the importance of maintaining one’s identity, strength and happiness in order to be fully present and loving as a parent. It highlights the tender balance between giving care and also receiving it—by oneself.

To give her child a chance at happiness, Chisala has realised she must be a happy parent herself. “That means not just giving myself scraps of energy after parenting and calling it self-care,” she explains, “but completely showing up for myself.” Today, wholeness means carving out blocks of time dedicated just to her—writing poems again, thrifting, gardening, and catching up with friends. “Mom guilt be damned,” she adds, with an affirmation that feels like liberation.

Chisala’s journey to motherhood also reshaped how she views her own strength and vulnerability. “I feel strong. I didn’t realise what I could endure until I became a mother,” she reflects. But with that strength came a surprising softness she never expected. “I’ve found endless reserves of patience and gentleness within me—qualities I never truly tapped into before.”

Upile Chisala | Instagram

Parenting solo has brought challenges as well. “Motherhood rearranges your whole psyche,” she says. “Postpartum was tough. I was anxious, scared—but supported. My community of women refused to let me believe I was alone. They held me when my mind tried to lie to me.”

Chisala is deeply intentional about joy, approaching motherhood with love and flexibility while also setting healthy boundaries—especially when it comes to bedtime. “I need that sacred time to write, think, watch my shows, and just be.”

She’s also learned to shed unnecessary guilt. “I used to think I had to deny myself pleasure to be a present mother. But joy in moderation is okay. A little screen time while my child plays? That’s not neglect—it’s balance.”

There’s a poetic symmetry in the way Chisala speaks about her daughter: “She wears my smile, my whole face even,” she says, “but she’s also brave, opinionated and sure of herself. I think she is who I hope to be someday.”

“She climbs coffee tables and kisses baby dolls with the same intensity. She teaches me about softness. About noticing the little things—like the way she sees a leaf or a bird not just as ‘something’, but as everything.”

Upile Chisala | Instagram

Balancing the hard and the holy parts of parenting means a lot of acceptance for Chisala. “When it’s hard, I cry, I vent, and then I make things happen. When it’s beautiful, I document it—in pictures, poems, art.” She also sees grace in everyday moments—like getting a nap while someone watches her daughter, having good health, a flexible job, or a kind friend who listens when she needs to talk.

“My life’s work,” she says, “is to not break my child’s heart or make her feel inadequate. I want to raise her with something no one can take away—self-confidence.” Raising a Black girl of mixed heritage in America, Chisala is deliberate about what she passes on. “Protecting and preparing my child is my ministry.”

Chisala’s poetry has shifted too. Once rooted in grief and anger, her words are now softened by acceptance. “I think my new work is more forgiving—of others and of myself,” she says. “Seeing my child learning how to human has reminded me that we’re all just trying.” A book of poems inspired by her daughter is already in the works—private, intimate, and full of love.

Asked what advice she’d offer new or expecting mothers, she responds gently: “Sleep. Be kind to yourself. You’re probably more ready than you think. And when the baby comes, hand them to someone you trust and go take a nap. You’re allowed.”