Her workaholic identity gave way to a richer, more patient self—crafted through the lens of motherhood.

 

Tanisha Colon-Bibb, a self-proclaimed workaholic, thrived on a life filled with endless meetings, tight deadlines and the adrenaline rush of her entrepreneurial pursuits. Her days were a whirlwind of productivity, fueled by a deep passion for her career and the sense of purpose it brought. Yet, when she stepped into motherhood, her world shifted in ways she couldn’t have imagined.

Suddenly, the once-unlimited hours she dedicated to building her empire were replaced with sleepless nights, diaper changes and the delicate balance of raising a new life while mourning the old version of herself.

 

For Tanisha, becoming a parent was not only a joyous milestone but also an emotional reckoning.

 

“Having my baby really slowed me down tremendously, making me question what life truly is,” Tanisha reflects. “My entire ethos until then was being an entrepreneur, working long hours and pouring myself into my career. Now, I had to completely slow down—mentally, physically and emotionally.”

 

The journey of balancing her unrelenting drive with her newfound role as a mother proved transformative. For Tanisha, this shift marked the beginning of matrescence—a profound and ongoing process of becoming a mother.

 

Raised in the United States but finding love in Mzansi, Tanisha’s maternal instincts emerged when the timing felt right. As she entered her 30s, the urgency of the proverbial ticking biological clock prompted her to pursue motherhood with intention. This new chapter in her life was not only about fulfilling a personal longing but also about redefining her identity and reshaping her life’s purpose.

 

The year that followed of trying to conceive proved to be a difficult waiting game.

 

“I became obsessed with my ovulation periods, and when I’d get my period every time, I became heartbroken and felt defeated. It became a painful waiting game for an entire year until I decided to take a stepback and allow the process to happen at its own pace.”

 

This was after getting every test possible done to see what the issue was, “and everything was fine,” she said.

 

“I just gave the journey over to God, prayed over my womb and surrendered the process. Because as much as I knew I wanted to be a mother, I had no control over it.”

 

The one thing she did was take her sister’s advice to gauge her ovulation using ovulation strips, and one day she felt it; she knew she was pregnant.

 

“My life changed in ways I could never have imagined,” she said almost teary-eyed.

She delivered via cecerean after being induced, another waiting experience that led to the worst pain she’s ever felt until ultimately being overcome with the joy of holding her son, Caleb Simphiwe, whom she fondly calls Pancake.

 

“When they placed him in my arms, I’ll admit that I didn’t know what to do,” she said, laughing. “But more than anything, it was emotional. Almost surreal,” she recalls.

 

That dreamlike tiny fraction of time gave way to a confusing phase of grappling with her own identity. Wanting to go back to regular settings, aka workaholic mode, but also feeling the immense responsibility of carrying for this fragile life.

 

“Melinial black women are really driving this hyper-independence of not losing one’s self and incorporating the kids into our lifestyles while there is an entire generation of our parents who would tell you stories of how they sacrificed their dreams and desires for us. I found myself stuck between these two worlds,” she shared

 

The idea of not being the same Tanisha haunted her.

 

“That tough, almost dark period lasted for almost a year and a half. Just me trying to reconcile this new version of myself with the old one. I gained so much weight gain during that time because I ate so much and could drink because I wasn’t breastfeeding.”

 

These emotions varied from guilt for not grasping this motherhood thing quick enough and sometimes harbouring feelings of resentment to the extent of even questioning, ‘why did I ask God for this?’

 

And as someone who naturally deals with depression, she also attributed some of those depressive episodes to it, coupled with the reality of not geling with this new role.

 

Working through acceptance right until 18 months led her to open up a profound part of herself, a more patient person and an entire better person in all the different hats she wears.

 

“I now see the world from a different and more beautiful perspective than I did before. I have now come to the acceptance that things can and will change a little; that while I can keep some of my dreams, I will have to let go of some. And it is okay.

 

“I want him to see that his mom has dreams and pursued them, but also for him to feel and know that he is loved unconditionally.”

 

Redefining motherhood her way.

 

Having gone through all the ebbs and flows, motherhood for her means acceptance of the flow, truth and unconditional love.

 

Her hopes are to raise a purposeful human being who is also generous and connects with God—however that looks to him.

 

“I want him to laugh,” she said before bursting into laughter herself. “I desire so much for him to live life to the fullest, to have dreams, to have a purpose and to have amazing people around him that will uplift him. I just want him to take this beautiful life we are given and do everything he can with it.”

Motherhood may have redefined her world, but it also unearthed a richer, more patient version of herself. In embracing her journey, she’s become not just a mother but a better version of herself in all her roles.”