There is no shame in starting over and 34-year-old Puseletso Tsotetsi, who moved back into her grandmother’s home with her three children after divorce, is a powerful testimony of it. But before the move, she thought she could do it on her own. Continue her usual lifestyle and be a single mother who raises her children single-handedly. No biggie, right? Wrong.

What followed within those four plus years was a collapse, or rather, a reality slap she didn’t expect that shook her up to the truth that she needed a do-over. And going back home was where it could begin for her.

“The other reason that forced me to move back home was that my grandmother needed to be taken care of after my uncle’s passing last year. He was the only other adult that lived with her, and soon after that, my aunt passed away as well, who also dedicated some time to taking care of my grandmother. When I saw how deeply wounded and alone she was, coupled with the fact that I needed to settle down in a warm home, I saw it as a win-win situation,” she said.

But that was never the plan. Puseletso reflects that she didn’t get married to get divorced, nor did she ever imagine herself being alone with three children. Her life took an unexpected turn that left her in denial for almost five years. And it was within this denial that she lived in false hope that she could do it on her own.

But as reality sank in, there was no room to live in delusion.

The urge to rebuild her life and find her community was too loud to ignore, as she was drowning in her own independence. From her dwindling finances to just getting help with the children, dealing with the pain that comes with divorce, and fighting to not lose herself in the mix of it all,

This denial is unfortunately a reality that many women suffer from. Running away profusely from the “return soldier” label coined by society for those who decide to go back home for one reason or another But the reality is that many suffer in silence. But for Puseletso, it was more about being afraid of losing her independence and overcrowding someone else’s space with her children.

She has been home for six months now.

“Being back at home has been so bittersweet in a sense that when you are used to having your own space, moving back under someone else’s roof is really not easy.” 

But that small inconvenience does not trump the huge relief it came with.

“It is still hard; I won’t downplay that part because I am still the main adult here and the principal caregiver to my children, but my grandmother’s presence has made it easier for me to do a little bit more. Go somewhere without worrying about getting someone to babysit, being able to study, and making appointments easier. Knowing that a little bit of my lifestyle has been restored has also helped me feel more like myself again while I adjust to this new life that I was thrust into,” she said.

“Having support is very important. Admitting to myself that having this support a lot closer will be better is the reason I swallowed my pride and took the big leap. I tried to do it on my own, but in hindsight, I was unnecessarily putting myself under huge pressure. Ego and pride led me to believe that I would be okay.”

“But now, oh Lord, I am not shy at all to ask for help,” she said, laughing, adding that she has even requested help from her children’s paternal grandparents, which meant having her youngest son live with them.

“Even if someone says no to my request, I will gladly return to ask for help again because I realized that my pride will not get me anywhere. I am at an age where I am okay burdening people because I can’t be naive. Having three children can be burdensome, so I have to ask for help,” she said.

 

Puseletso shares her journey on TikTok under the handle @growingseedsa and has garnered a healthy following. And although she makes light of her situation half the time, she admits that the reality is hard.

“Sharing my content lightheartedly is really a coping mechanism, and I don’t know how I ended up using my pain to create content like I do. Because real life isn’t funny at all. It still feels like I am dreaming; it is the most out-of-body experience that I can’t make sense of. It’s grief, constantly being unstable emotionally, questioning God or life, and having this feeling that something has been snatched away from you right as you were enjoying it,” sharing that just last week would have been their 6th year marriage anniversary.

“I ask myself a lot about how I ended up here. I should be sharing about a life of a beautiful love story and a perfect family—sharing tips on how I built an inspiring family that beckons others to want to get married. That was the dream, but being here now baffles me every single day.

“But we are here now. I can only embrace my life as it is because I also know that there is progress in my healing. Although I didn’t plan to be where I am, I am grateful that I can bring hope and light into someone else’s life with this situation that brought a lot of darkness to me.

“Look, I am not Jesus Christ; I can’t wipe away the pain. I myself am struggling to wipe away parts of my pain, but it is satisfying knowing that I can be relatable and ease the pain a little.”

With zero knowledge of what the future holds, Puseletso takes it one day at a time.

“We shall conquer together in our different spaces. One laugh, tear, and conversation at a time,” she said.